And no, I'm not talking about my height... ;)
I'm actually talking about my attitude. I moved home 2 months ago (on the 26th). I didn't exactly WANT to move home. Not because my family isn't amazing. (because they are) but because I just really really loved Utah.
Anyway, I've had a serious case of the grumps since I've been home. I've been irritable and angry and unsettled. If you know me, you know that I'm not typically a chronically crabby person. I'm usually a silver lining kind of gal. A cockeyed optimist, if you will. :) I dreaded Sunday morning worship at my home church. Not for any personal reason other than it wasn't Southside. It wasn't MY church in Utah. (really, Sarah, YOUR church? way to be possessive.) Today was the first day I haven't cried since I've been home.
I've been sad and grumpy about legitimate things. I've had all these transitions all at once. Being back home, not having a job, not having a car, going back to my home congregation. Some of my friendships have changed. Some have gotten stronger. Some have kind of fallen apart. Either way, I was a bundle of nerves and negativity. I was starting to annoy myself! (which means I'd probably been annoying others for quite some time)
I kept hearing "Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus." I kinda hoped it would go away because I had already ordered the balloons and punch for my next pity party. (I was going to order a clown... but that seemed a little too ironic.) But there it was again "make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus." SERIOUSLY?! But I don't wanna. I would rather sit here and feel sorry for myself. Wahh wahh wahh. Finally, this past Sunday, I made the conscious effort to not say anything negative for the whole day. Seriously. The. Whole. Day.
I am happy to report that I succeeded. At first, I thought negative things in my head and didn't say them out loud. Then promptly decided that kind of defeated the purpose. So I changed my thinking too. I didn't think or say anything negative all day. Badda Bing Badda Boom! No more grumps! Seriously amazing! I'm TOTALLY not patting myself on the back for this one. It's a God thing. I kept praying for Him to help me change my attitude. I just hadn't been making any effort at all to adjust my own attitude. Just by making the small change in my attitude and the conscious effort to make my attitude that of Christ Jesus (thanks Paul and Timothy, it changed my whole perspective on things! I cancelled the balloons and punch for my pity party. I realize that it's ok to be sad and hurt; but it doesn't do anyone any good if I'm spewing negativity all over the place. I feel so much better! I'm happy and giddy and silly again! I feel lighter. I'm starting to feel like myself again, and less of a zombie. I am so thankful for God's patience and grace.
So, dear friends, my exhortation to you is to try and go a whole day without saying anything negative. You'd be surprised at how your day gets so much better and things don't bother you!
Here's some motivation.
Philippians 2:5-8
"5 Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,
6 who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God
as something to be used for His own advantage.
7 Instead He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave,
taking on the likeness of men.
And when He had come as a man in His external form,
8 He humbled Himself by becoming obedient
to the point of death—even to death on a cross."
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in"
Here's another old one :)
I teach preschool...at church. I have for a while now, and I love it. Mind you, they still drive me crazy from time to time, but for the most part, it's a joy. To watch a child's faith form, is an incredible thing. That wide-eyed innocence is amazing. I co-teach with my mom. And we do VBS (vacation Bible school) all year round now.
Usually, we spend two weeks on one lesson. So last week's and yesterday's lesson was about Jesus walking on the water.
Just a quick re-cap. The apostles were in the boat, and Jesus went up a mountain to pray. There was a storm, and the boat was being tossed around. So, Jesus, being the Savior that he is, started walking on the water towards the boat.
Let me just pause for a second and say... WOW... I think, because I was raised in a Christian household, and I've heard it all my life, that I take that kind of stuff for granted.
WHO ELSE could walk on water but my Jesus?... no one...that's who.
Ok..back to the story... So the apostles (being the silly humans they were) got freaked out because people really can't walk on water...And Jesus told them "Don't be afraid...It is I"... So Peter (who proves time and time again to be lacking some common sense) says "Alright, if you're really Jesus, then let me walk out to you"... So Jesus says "ok...come on"Peter starts walking on water towards Jesus....and instead of fixing his eyes on Jesus, he looked down at the waves and the wind, and got scared! Then he started to sink (serves him right!)
And of course Peter yells "Jesus! Save me!"And Jesus extended his arm and pulled Peter up...then says "Why didn't you trust me?"
Why didn't Peter trust Jesus?...
And then it hit me... I'm Peter... I've been trying to raise support for AIM and I've completely left God out of it. Why haven't I trusted Jesus?
I've sent support letters, I've made calls, I done presentations...but what haven't I done?
PRAYED!
I'm Peter... I'm sinking and I'm yelling for Jesus to pull me up out of this water I'm in. I'm splashing around making a big scene...but all I have to do is have faith.
I'm tired of being Peter. I'm trusting Jesus. He knows what He's doing. God has called me to missions... and He's trying to teach me something. But I won't shut up long enough to hear Him. I'm sorry, Jesus for hurting you and losing faith.
So from you, my faithful readers, I bequeath prayers. Pray for me to maintain faith and walk out on this water and NOT LOOK DOWN even when the waves are above my head.
As you well know...music is such a huge part of my life and while I wrote this blog, I was reminded of the Casting Crowns song "Voice of Truth"
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"
Chorus: But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
I teach preschool...at church. I have for a while now, and I love it. Mind you, they still drive me crazy from time to time, but for the most part, it's a joy. To watch a child's faith form, is an incredible thing. That wide-eyed innocence is amazing. I co-teach with my mom. And we do VBS (vacation Bible school) all year round now.
Usually, we spend two weeks on one lesson. So last week's and yesterday's lesson was about Jesus walking on the water.
Just a quick re-cap. The apostles were in the boat, and Jesus went up a mountain to pray. There was a storm, and the boat was being tossed around. So, Jesus, being the Savior that he is, started walking on the water towards the boat.
Let me just pause for a second and say... WOW... I think, because I was raised in a Christian household, and I've heard it all my life, that I take that kind of stuff for granted.
WHO ELSE could walk on water but my Jesus?... no one...that's who.
Ok..back to the story... So the apostles (being the silly humans they were) got freaked out because people really can't walk on water...And Jesus told them "Don't be afraid...It is I"... So Peter (who proves time and time again to be lacking some common sense) says "Alright, if you're really Jesus, then let me walk out to you"... So Jesus says "ok...come on"Peter starts walking on water towards Jesus....and instead of fixing his eyes on Jesus, he looked down at the waves and the wind, and got scared! Then he started to sink (serves him right!)
And of course Peter yells "Jesus! Save me!"And Jesus extended his arm and pulled Peter up...then says "Why didn't you trust me?"
Why didn't Peter trust Jesus?...
And then it hit me... I'm Peter... I've been trying to raise support for AIM and I've completely left God out of it. Why haven't I trusted Jesus?
I've sent support letters, I've made calls, I done presentations...but what haven't I done?
PRAYED!
I'm Peter... I'm sinking and I'm yelling for Jesus to pull me up out of this water I'm in. I'm splashing around making a big scene...but all I have to do is have faith.
I'm tired of being Peter. I'm trusting Jesus. He knows what He's doing. God has called me to missions... and He's trying to teach me something. But I won't shut up long enough to hear Him. I'm sorry, Jesus for hurting you and losing faith.
So from you, my faithful readers, I bequeath prayers. Pray for me to maintain faith and walk out on this water and NOT LOOK DOWN even when the waves are above my head.
As you well know...music is such a huge part of my life and while I wrote this blog, I was reminded of the Casting Crowns song "Voice of Truth"
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"
Chorus: But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
switchin over
I'm going to get rid of my other blog so I'm slowly (but surely) transferring some of my posts over. Here's one from 2 years ago. :) This was written the day before I started AIM. It's called "Who me?, why me?, SEND ME!"
I used to struggle a lot with what God's plan was for my life. I remember being brokenhearted, tired, and jaded. I remember lying in my bed, crying, and having this dialogue with God
"God, I give up... I just... give up"
And God said "I know you want to, but you can't"
"BUT GOD!!!" *whiny voice* "Life is tooo hard and I don't know what You want from me... Just tell me what to do...tell me what you want me to do"
and God said "I want you to explore AIM. Step out of the box. You can do it"
"You tell funny jokes, God"
God said: "AIM. Do AIM"
"Um, no thanks...." So I ran. I ran away from God... How do you even do that?! But I did. I ran from church, I ran from my friends, my family, my church family... I just.........ran Obviously, my stubbornness didn't get me anywhere but more disappointment and unsatisfaction. Once again, there I was, crying in my bed, talking to God, bruised, beaten, and tired.
"GOD!!! HEY! Remember me? Look, I know I haven't talked to you in a while, and I'm sorry... but I need your help"
God: "I know, and I'm here. I've always been here"
"Oh, right, that whole omnipresent, omnicient thing...I'm ready to give my life to you"
God: "So... you're going to do AIM?"
Me: "yup. I'm going to do it"
And that's it.. that's the story... I went from being Who, Me? To Why me? And now, finally... SEND ME! I'm in Lubbock and I'm chillin in my hotel room. Anxiously counting down the hours until I can register, move in, and meet my roommates. I have no idea what's going to happen over the course of the next 2 years; all I know is that I'm excited and I'm firmly holding His hand and RUNNING.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know there will be times when I fall... but that's the great thing about MY Jesus...He carries you.
I still struggle with giving Him control... but I'm getting better. If you struggle with these same things, let me pray for you. I encourage you to lean on your family and friends, too.
Lord, thank you for my family, thank you for my friends, and thank you for my supporters. Thank you for sending your Son to die for us. As I enter this new exciting phase of my life, I ask you to help me stay humble, and focused. Please help me shine Your light wherever I go. Please help us to reach people who are broken, wounded, and searching for You. In Your Son's name I pray.
Amen
I used to struggle a lot with what God's plan was for my life. I remember being brokenhearted, tired, and jaded. I remember lying in my bed, crying, and having this dialogue with God
"God, I give up... I just... give up"
And God said "I know you want to, but you can't"
"BUT GOD!!!" *whiny voice* "Life is tooo hard and I don't know what You want from me... Just tell me what to do...tell me what you want me to do"
and God said "I want you to explore AIM. Step out of the box. You can do it"
"You tell funny jokes, God"
God said: "AIM. Do AIM"
"Um, no thanks...." So I ran. I ran away from God... How do you even do that?! But I did. I ran from church, I ran from my friends, my family, my church family... I just.........ran Obviously, my stubbornness didn't get me anywhere but more disappointment and unsatisfaction. Once again, there I was, crying in my bed, talking to God, bruised, beaten, and tired.
"GOD!!! HEY! Remember me? Look, I know I haven't talked to you in a while, and I'm sorry... but I need your help"
God: "I know, and I'm here. I've always been here"
"Oh, right, that whole omnipresent, omnicient thing...I'm ready to give my life to you"
God: "So... you're going to do AIM?"
Me: "yup. I'm going to do it"
And that's it.. that's the story... I went from being Who, Me? To Why me? And now, finally... SEND ME! I'm in Lubbock and I'm chillin in my hotel room. Anxiously counting down the hours until I can register, move in, and meet my roommates. I have no idea what's going to happen over the course of the next 2 years; all I know is that I'm excited and I'm firmly holding His hand and RUNNING.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know there will be times when I fall... but that's the great thing about MY Jesus...He carries you.
I still struggle with giving Him control... but I'm getting better. If you struggle with these same things, let me pray for you. I encourage you to lean on your family and friends, too.
Lord, thank you for my family, thank you for my friends, and thank you for my supporters. Thank you for sending your Son to die for us. As I enter this new exciting phase of my life, I ask you to help me stay humble, and focused. Please help me shine Your light wherever I go. Please help us to reach people who are broken, wounded, and searching for You. In Your Son's name I pray.
Amen
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