Blue Speckled Bowls

I don't really have anything super spiritually insightful to say tonight. But something's been on my mind. I've heard that certain scents are directly tied memory or vice versa. I certainly believe that. Just a few examples of this: I relate the smell of sawdust to my dad. I'm not even sure he knows that. But, as far back as I can remember, my dad has always been handy. He does small projects around the house... or big projects like this one. I can remember him outside with his sawhorses and whatever pneumatic tool he's using, building something, fixing something, or helping build a trebuchet for a middle school history project (story for a different post.) If I close my eyes and I smell sawdust, I think of my dad. The smell of coffee reminds me of my mom. Not just because she drinks lots of it... but because it's something that we share. We both have an almost unhealthy love of coffee. My mom doesn't SMELL like coffee, mind you... but the scent reminds me of her. The smell of bacon or sausage grease will ALWAYS remind me of my dad's Grandma, Big Granny; or my mom's mom, Memaw. The smell of cigarette smoke reminds me of my dad's parents. Not in a bad way. It's almost in a comforting way. My dad's parents smoked for a long long time. It's not a bad memory that is tied to that scent. It reminds me of playing in the game room or watching Fat Albert at Papa and Mary's house. Or eating those terrible pink Hostess snowballs and watching CMT at Granny's house.

I never payed much attention to the fact that certain objects would trigger really strong memories. I mean, it makes perfect sense.... but I had never really thought of it.

Anyway, I was doing dishes tonight and I came across these bowls we have. They're metal and have blue paint with white speckles on them. These bowls... are magic. Ok they're not really; but they came from Memaw and Granddaddy's house. These bowls were used for three things and three things only: Cereal in the morning, Bread Pudding or Stone Soup. Don't even get me started on memories with stone soup. No- really. I'll post about it at some point. It's still hard for me to eat anything but those three things out of these bowls. These bowls remind me of sitting in Granddaddy's lap while he reads me "Green Eggs and Ham." or playing on the swing set or in the pasture. These bowls remind me of that small farm house on lots of land. They remind me of squeezing an impossible amount of people into that house and feeding all of them. Of Sleeping in the back bedroom and leaving the light in the closet on because there was something always weird about it being pitch black. (I've grown up in L.A. I'm used to street lights and building signs).) Of laying my head on the pillow in that back bedroom and falling asleep with that sort of musty indescribable smell...and feeling at home and...safe. These bowls remind me of love.

I think for mom, her object-memory would be the "bread pudding pan." This pan is just a beat up aluminum pan with handles... but it's the ONLY pan in which to make bread pudding. Mom will have to tell you about the memories attached to this pan... so for now, I'll just show you a picture of this pan.

Cleaning, for me, is therapeutic. I LOVE cleaning. I usually clean late at night because it's when my mind is clear and I can almost meditate while cleaning. My friend Kylie meditates while she makes friendship bracelets for people. I find my meditation and God-time while I clean. I think the reason all these memories came flooding back to me tonight is because I'm kind of in the middle of the six year anniversary of the death of three of my grandparents. My senior year of high school, 3 of my grandparents died within about 60 days of each other. Granny, my dad's mom, died on September 6th, 2004 of lung cancer that spread to her brain. Papa, my dad's dad, died on October 9th, 2004 of the same thing. Granddaddy, my mom's dad, died October 30th, 2004, kind of suddenly of a heart attack. This time was undoubtedly one of the tougher moments for our family. Even as I think about, and type it now, my stomach hurts to think about it. But it was also kind of a turning point for us as well. Our family grew closer together in that time and really kind of united.

But I also remember the happy moments in that time. I got to see every member of my family, extended family and then some. I think, my favorite part was Granddaddy's funeral. I know that sounds morbid... but stay with me. My Granddaddy was SUCH a character. He was loud and boisterous... but he told corny jokes and drew ridiculous cartoons and loved his 12 grandbabies with all he had. His funeral was a celebration of his life. People shared funny stories about him and even shared some J.B.isms. (his name was James Barton i.e. JB) It made me love my Granddaddy even more. We laughed. We LAUGHED at his funeral!! When I leave this earth, I want my funeral to be like his. I want people to remember the ridiculous things I did and how I helped people. I don't want my funeral to be sad and dull because that's not how we do things in this family!

Friends, it's very late. But if it weren't, then it wouldn't fit in with the title of my Blog, now would it? I will leave you with a few of my favorite JBisms.

"She's a blue chip baby with navy bean toes!" - He said that about me. Blue chip baby=like blue chip stock. :) navy bean toes=umm I guess my toes looked like navy beans.

Angel- I could never tell if he really thought I was...or if he couldn't remember my name. ;)

"Don't run the heater in the motor home while you sleep or you might wake up dead!!"- umm... I'll let you figure that one out.

"We didn't come here for diabetes!" (pronounced dyeuh-beetus)- they took my grandma to the doctor for a blood clot and the blood tests also revealed she had diabetes. He wasn't happy about that and told them that's not what they went there for!

"You ain't a string tied horse-hobble ain't too fat to wobble, are ya?!" - I STILL have no idea what this means.

goodnight, friends. May you find those objects in your life that make you remember the special people in your life.